by Akonkid » November 15th, 2010, 2:21 am
The story itself is still pretty good and hot. The plot thickens and twists are coming. What's going on in Snowflake's head? Why are their powers acting weird? Why did Ring Mistress make Alpha Woman an airheaded bimbo and endanger her operation by not controlling her like Bea and then sending her back into the wild? Interesting...
The art continues to be the highlight. Great designs and effects all around, both 3D and 2D. Fin continues to impress and Tek's traditional art looks much cleaner (perhaps due to less pages and more emphasis on quality over quantity). Great job there.
Now for a few criticisms.
The art, itself, is pretty good, but it looks quite rough in places. Touch-ups just weren't done very well in places, with clipping and rough spots that were distractingly bad and could have been smoothed out or cleaned up.
Secondly, just in one reading I noticed typos and grammar mistakes on almost every single page. Spend a bit more time proofreading your stuff, or let someone else go over it. Never work off of a first draft, which it looks like this was. These aren't freebies anymore, so half-assed dialogue full of misspellings, poor grammar, and incomplete sentences should be dealt with. It's good material, but almost every single page needs to be fixed, with a few exceptions. I know there is no shortage of people willing to proofread and help you out (I know for a fact Trishbot offers her services to anyone that asks), so there's really no excuse for it to be so amateurish. With more care, this could become a PROFESSIONAL comic. On the positive, thanks for changing the narration boxes from pure white. It was a little detail that helped immensely.
Some casual observations and questions so far; what was the point of creating robot clones of Bea if Bea herself is turned into more of a robot than the clones themselves? The "human" Bea is now the one with the plastic skin and robot voice while the "robot" Bea speaks and looks normal... was there any point to that? Ring Mistress's decision to switch their roles seems needlessly complex. A lot of her actions seem needlessly complex (such as making Alpha Woman a bimbo instead of enslaving her fully like Bea to ensure nothing can go wrong... which I imagine it will). If you just explained she was eccentric or cocky, that might explain it, because a lot of her actions AREN'T very efficient or practical in the slightest. Minor gripe there, though.
I'm also very unconvinced that Kyla has ANY romantic feelings for Solaria. That just doesn't sit well with me on a personal level. I don't mind some romance every now and then, but they were pretty much the ONLY two I didn't want to have any "hook-ups" (outside of mind control). I see them as extremely platonic best friends. Kyla herself already has a bit of a crush on Tina and Mick... her own best friend seems unnecessary, implausible, and entirely out of left field. There's been quite a bit of evidence of Kyla outright claiming she doesn't even (usually) like other girls, so not sure I buy this new info.
This continues to be an enjoyable read overall though. For a first time writer, it's got some rough patches but a lot of good ideas. I'll continue to look forward to the next issue. But for the rough patches, don't be afraid to ask for help! I'm extremely busy myself but even I could spare a few minutes just to go over the dialogue and give you some feedback.
Anyway, that's all I got. Good comic and great art, guys. The ladies continue to be hot and exciting.
If she would just do what I asked, I wouldn't need to use mind control!